When I was pregnant, I remember my biggest fear being that I wouldn’t be enough for them. . .that my children wouldn’t know how special and loved each one of them is because my time would always be torn between the three of them. I remember my sister saying, “You’ll figure it out. You’ll be able to give them what they need, when they need it. Worry about it when the time comes.” Well, today, I’m not sure I was enough for them.
All three of my kids are sick. . .like, a fever and a big head cold, sick. It’s awful. Typically when they’re sick, it’s been back-to-back-to-back. It makes for a pretty long couple of days, but I have always felt that I’ve been able to give them the attention or cuddles that they need, when they need it. Of course, I’m usually exhausted because someone always needs me or needs something and I’m not sleeping through the night. I feel drained and I start to get a little claustrophobic from always having someone on my lap or in my arms. But I’ve also always thanked my lucky stars that they weren’t sick at the same time.
And boy am I glad it hasn’t happened before now.
It’s hard when all three kids want me to sleep beside them at night. I find myself rotating through their beds just to give them enough time. Often, they are upset that I’m leaving their bed to go to their siblings’ bed, regardless of how long I’ve laid beside them. All three kids ask to be held up and/or down the stairs. I find myself making 3 trips just to carry each one separately. All three kids want to sit on my lap during meal time. All three kids have asked for snuggles or for me to lie down beside them. Making dinner is a challenge. Shoot, making PB&J is a challenge.
To me, this is the hardest thing about being a triplet mom. One isn’t older than the others to understand that the sick one needs me more or they need to take turns. Right now, they all need me equally and I can’t be there as much as I would like to for each one of them. I pray that my kids know I did the best I could. That I held them as much as I could and that I love them beyond what I’ll ever be able to show them.